


the tune's familiar but the words are wrong

by meltokyo



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Friendship, Gen, Musical Instruments, Post-The Eleventh Hour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-25
Updated: 2016-09-25
Packaged: 2018-08-17 05:43:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8132531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meltokyo/pseuds/meltokyo
Summary: The worst part about grieving, he thinks, is that there’s nothing productive about it. He can’t make anything out of it. 
  - -
Old wounds open up for one of the boys after Refuge, and his friends set out to make it a little easier. Magnus gets in touch with his sensitive side. Taako gives up on meditation. Johan is a lone wolf.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Well, this is payback for [lyricalecho](http://archiveofourown.org/users/lyricalecho) making me have FEELINGS, like some kind of FOURTEEN YEAR OLD KID. 
> 
> Anyway, I'm a piano player- God only knows why I mentioned string instruments as much as I did in this. I'm just playing Calvinball with them. Forgive me. 
> 
> Title's from Stars' "A Simple Song".

_He's in a tavern- the exact appearance fuzzy, faded around the edges, but that doesn’t matter. What does matter is Julia, seated across from him. Her eyes are closed, head swaying to the music that they actually have in the tavern for once. A band of traveling bards were staying the night, and decided to treat the craftsman corridor to a rare night of singing. It’s late and starting to get crowded as news that there were entertainers in town spread- people clap Magnus on the shoulder as they walk by, stop to offer congratulations. He and Julia had been married just over a week now._

_The song is a jaunty duet, accompanied by their third member on a flute. It’s a love song, with sappy lyrics who might make anyone roll their eyes but Magnus, who feels every word of it in his heart. He must have gotten lost in thought, because the next thing he knows, Julia’s tugging on his arm with an impish grin. She leads him to a spot where no tables are in the way and spins him around. She’s graceful and fluid- Magnus is all flailing limbs. She leads, though, and by the time the song finishes, the other patrons (drunk on alcohol and high on their recent rebellion) are hooting and hollering. Julia takes a dramatic bow and calls for another drink._

_-_

Magnus wipes at his eyes, latest carving long abandoned. He’s been thinking about Julia more than usual ever since their whole… _thing_ with the chalice. Paloma’s words echo in his mind: “Maybe not the best choice for you, but the best choice for _us_.” He doesn’t regret saving this timeline, but seeing that scene again- his last day with Julia- cut him a new, raw wound that he’s starting to think won’t heal.

The worst part about grieving, he thinks, is that there’s nothing productive about it. He can’t _make_ anything out of it.

Wait.

Maybe…

*     *     *

“You want me to… teach you how to play an instrument.”

“Yes.” Johan lives one floor above Magnus, and the music coming from his room at night feels like magic. It tells stories- romantic epics, legendary battles.

(Grief, loss.)

Johan looks unimpressed. “Not even a clue which one, huh, just- whatever instrument.”

“An… easy one?”

Johan heaves a deep sigh and sets aside the elaborate guitar he’s been replacing a string on. He moves to the far wall, where a mess of instruments and reams of sheet music rest in precarious stacks. He hems and haws for a couple of minutes before picking one and turning back to Magnus. “This might be kind of… your speed.”

Magnus’ face lights up. “A guitar!”

“A lute.” Johan’s mouth twists in displeasure. He starts to hand it to Magnus, then pauses- “Don’t break it.”

Magnus nods, taking the instrument. It feels too small for his hands. Johan turns away again, headed for the pile of dusty books leaning in a corner of his room. He pulls one, shakes his head, tosses it aside. Pulls a second, does the same. Third, same. This goes on long enough that Magnus starts to get restless, until finally Johan presents him with a very old-looking lesson book. It’s worn, as though it had been used frequently before being left to gather dust.

“Look, I’m not really, like… a ‘teacher’,” and yeah, he puts air quotes around the word. “I’m more of a… _lone_ _wolf_ type, you get me?”

“...Sure?”

“Anyway, this is the book I used when I started learning to play. I think you could probably pick this up if you take it seriously.” He pauses, eyes him up. “You are gonna take this seriously, right?”

Magnus holds the lute close to his chest. “Absolutely.”

Johan nods, seeming to approve of Magnus’ resolve. “Well, good luck, well met, all that. And I’m gonna want that back later.” Magnus is already out the door, barely hearing the “In one piece!” called after him.

*     *     *

It’s a week later, and Magnus is sitting on the floor, Johan’s lesson book propped open against the wall. He adjusts his fingers on the lute for what seems like the thousandth time that night, willing it to be right this time. The book isn’t very helpful- or maybe it is, and he just can’t decipher it. It may as well be written in Elvish, for all the good it’s doing him. In a fit of frustration, he strums all the strings at once rapidly, feeling a little better that at least he _intended_ that to sound awful. He pulls his knees up to his chest and rests his head on them. _I’ll just feel sorry for myself for a minute,_ he thinks, _then I’ll get back to it._

_-_

_“You should learn to play something,” Julia tells him as they’re going to bed. “We could use a little more music in this town.” Everyone in the craftsman corridor had shown up to hear the music, and she’d danced with everyone from the pair of toddlers that lived next door to the ornery old grocer with a bad knee._

_Magnus laughs. “Isn’t there a saying about trying to teach an old dog new tricks?”_

_“They say it can’t be done,” she agrees, grinning, and takes his hands to pull him close to her. “Hmmm… I’m sure there’s_ something _. Maybe the tambourine? Or the triangle!” She gets a kick out of that, laughter booming in their cozy bedroom._

_“If it would make you happy, Jules, I’d learn them all.”_

_Julia blushes, puts her head on Magnus’ chest. “You’re a sap.”_

_“I know.”_

_“I love it.”_

_“I love_ you _.”_

_-_

There’s a knock at the door.

Taako comes in without waiting for an answer, of course, wearing a lacy tank and pajama shorts, his normally braided hair loose and wavy. His eyebrows are raised, clearly having no idea what he expected to find.

Magnus hastily wipes at his eyes, quickly trying to look casual. Taako shuts the door behind him and takes a seat on the foot of his bed. They’re silent for a moment.

“So…” he says finally, voice breezy. “Guitar, huh?”

“It’s a lute.”

Still seated and staring intently at the ground, he feels rather than sees Taako’s eye roll. “Well, here’s the _thing._ It’s like, two in the goddamn morning. I don’t sleep- you know, elf thing, pretty wicked- but I _was_ trying to get some beauty meditation in and, uh. This really isn’t… _going_ super hot, is it?”

“...No,” he admits miserably.

Taako hops from the bed to look at Magnus. “Hey, _hey_ , don’t be so blue about it! We can’t all be _Johans_. Fuck, imagine _that_ nightmare city.” He twirls a lock of hair idly. “Anyway, it’s, uh, cool that you’re trying new things, finding yourself, living your best life, whatever, it’s just like, _crazy_ late and I was starting to get kind of freaked out by your laser focus. Have you slept? Like, in… I don’t know, _days_?”

Magnus ignores the concern hidden deep in Taako’s words. “I just… really wanted to be good at it.” Fuck, he’s tearing up again. Taako shifts uncomfortably above him. There’s a moment of profoundly awkward silence and Magnus wouldn’t have faulted him for leaving without another word.

He doesn’t. Instead, he huffs and asks, “Look, is this, like… a _thing_?”

Magnus finally looks up. “A… _thing_?”

“I don’t know, Mags, like-” he waves a hand vaguely, “-a _thing_. You’ve got this sad puppy look right now and I don’t think it’s because you’re bummed about being a shitty lute player.” He crosses his arms, juts out a hip and cocks his head. “So spill the beans, bucko, ‘cause Taako offering to talk about feelings is pretty much a once-in-a-lifetime situation.”

Magnus’ voice cracks when he speaks. “I… wanted to write a song for Julia.”

“Oh.” Taako sucks a breath in through his teeth. “Shit. _Yikes_. Yikes, yikes, yikes.” He drops to the floor, lets Magnus lean over to rest his head on his shoulder. They sit in silence, punctuated by soft sniffling, until Magnus falls asleep.

*     *     *

Getting Johan to write the song, as it turned out, hadn’t been difficult. A little flattery went a long way and now he was in front of Johan’s door on the day he promised to have it done.

Johan ushers him in, points to a chair. “Take a seat.” Magnus has to move three tambourines from it before he sits, each one jangling softly as he sets them on the floor.

“Well, one love song coming right up,” he monotones. “You ready?” Magnus nods.

Johan wields his violin and bow gracefully. The music that flows through the room is the most beautiful he’s ever played- it paints a vivid picture of young love, of building a life, of growing old together, and it drives Magnus to tears. As moving as it was, though…

Johan stops playing, cocks his head. “Pretty good, huh?”

It was… incredible,” Magnus replies truthfully.

“But it wasn’t right.” It wasn’t a question.

“...No.”

Johan sighs, world-weary, and carefully places his violin back in its case. Then he turns, looks up the solid foot and a half to Magnus’ face, and pokes him in the chest. “That’s because it wasn’t _yours_. You told me some stuff about Julia- which, let me say again, was _super_ sad, holy shit, dude- but I didn’t _know_ her. The music wasn’t coming from my _heart_. That’s what makes it really special.”

“But… I don’t know how to do that. I can’t even read music.”

“That’s not- no, wait, scratch that, that is actually, like, _super_ important. But what’s important after that is putting your feelings and memories into the music. You know Julia. _Use_ that knowledge.”

Magnus grins. “I thought you said you weren’t a good teacher!”

Johan folds his arms and turns away. “I say a lot of shit. Now go study that book and don’t come back until you can play that goddamn thing.”

He can’t stop himself from saluting dramatically. “Yes, sir!”

*     *     *

It’s late, nothing but a few fluorescent street lamps lighting the Bureau campus. Magnus feels a little silly carrying the lute across the grounds, convinced someone would- who knows- recognize him as a hack? Or even worse, ask him to _play_. The only other stragglers at this hour, though, are a pair of elves reading quietly on a far-off bench, and they pay him no mind as he reaches his destination: the elevator where their journey began.

The Voidfish is floating gently in its tank- was it sleeping? Did it need sleep? But it waves a tentacle lazily after a moment, less of a wave than an acknowledgement that it was awake.

“Hey,” Magnus begins, waving a little shyly. The Voidfish makes no further motion to indicate it’s interested- Magnus charges ahead anyway. “I’ve been thinking… well, about a lot of stuff, really. About if I made the right choices. About the chalice. About Julia.”

There’s an empty chair in the corner, probably left over from the last guard that was in here. He drags it over to sit in front of the tank. “You probably know all about Julia, though, right?” he continues. “It seems like you kinda know everything.” He pauses, and the Voidfish remains unresponsive. “You probably know that she was a pretty good singer, and she loved to dance. You _definitely_ would have liked her. I bet she would have made a great Regulator- _man_ , she could throw a dagger!” He’s wiping away a tear already, but he’s not ashamed to let them fall here. He picks up the lute.

“I know you like Johan’s music- I’ve been practicing with one of his old books for a couple of months now. It’s… a work in progress, but, hey-” he laughs awkwardly. “Captive audience, right?”

The Voidfish remains still.

“Well… that wasn’t a _no_ , so, I’m gonna go ahead and play something. This one’s called- well, I don’t know yet. Maybe you can help me figure it out.” And he starts to play.

The song is at a child’s level- Magnus knows that. Each note is a little staccato, a little unsure, he speeds up in some parts and slows down in others seemingly at random. He hums along as he plays- he tried at one point to add words but if this little exercise has taught him anything it’s that he’s no bard and he hopes the music will convey what he wants. To him, it paints a picture. It’s all his feelings, his memories, every little detail he didn’t realize he would hold so close later- and a prayer that maybe, up there somewhere, Julia could hear him trying.

When he finishes, the room echoes with the last note for a moment before going unnaturally silent once again. He stands and, mimicking Johan, takes a hesitant bow. When he looks up, the Voidfish has still made no indication it cares if Magnus is here or not. _I should have known. Taako was right- we can’t all be Johans._

He turns to leave, defeated, but realizes… he can’t. He’s frozen in place. “...Voidfish?” he says slowly. The Voidfish, weirdly, sort of nods. He’s not sure how it happens. “Do you… want me to stay?” Another nod. “You… liked the song?” This time, a soft golden light begins to emit from the center of the Voidfish’s… head? It expands, filling the tank with soft light and making the stars within shine like diamonds. It makes a humming noise, a low buzzing that sounds _happy_ , though Magnus doesn’t know why he knows it.

He can’t stop the tears now- doesn’t want to. The Voidfish releases whatever magical grip it had on him and he falls to his knees, body wracked with choked sobs.

“I knew you’d understand,” he says, voice muffled by his hands. “I knew you would. Thank you.”

*     *     *

Magnus has been waiting for Taako and Merle for about a half-hour, after they promised they would meet for lunch at the Bureau cafeteria. As it stands, he’s on a bench out front, tuning his lute as he waits for them. He’s getting the hang of it- kind of- and he’s focused enough that he doesn’t notice someone take a seat beside him until she speaks.

“You’re really a jack of all trades, huh?”

“Carey!” Magnus yelps. “You snuck up on me!”

“Yeah, it’s, uh, kind of what I do.” She folds her hands behind her head. “Anyway, how many hobbies are you plannin’ on taking up? Thievery, guitar-”

“Lute.”

“Okay, _lute_. You havin’ some kind of midlife crisis?”

Magnus considers lying for a moment. He can’t find any real reason to, though. He’s spent so many years keeping Julia’s memory to himself, and what was the point? She deserved to be shared with everyone, anyone who would listen- and when he thinks about it like that, he feels stupid for grieving alone for so long. “My wife, Julia, loved music,” he says, a small smile on his face. “We were a bunch of blacksmiths and carpenters, not a lick of musical talent in the whole town. I was gonna learn how to play something, back in the day, make her happy, but… I guess I was always busy.”

Carey freezes for a moment. “Wow, I didn’t know you were married,” she says finally. “She’s, uh, I mean, is she…”

“Gone, yeah,” he finishes softly, but with less pain than he expects.

“Well, I’m- I’m awfully sorry, Magnus.”

“Thank you.” The two sit in silence for a few minutes, watching the hustle and bustle of the Bureau, before he changes the subject. “Did Killian like the ring?”

She brightens. “Loved it! Perfect fit, too.”

“Lucky guess. Did you tell her you made it?”

Carey laughs, a strange sort of throaty hiss. “I showed her my duck with _two asses!_ I couldn’t have taken credit for that even if I’d wanted to.”

Magnus laughs, too. “Hey, they were good asses!”

“I, uh, wanna keep practicing, though,” she says, a little shyly. “Your ring is beautiful, just a real work of art, but I’d… I’d like to make her one myself time.”

 _Does she mean-_ Magnus breaks into a slow grin. “An… engagement ring?”

The gills around Carey’s neck flare, and she ducks her head. “There’s just something… romantic about making something like that for your partner, isn’t there?” Then she slaps her palm into her face. “Oh, _geez_ , you can never tell anyone I said anything that sappy.”

“Hmmm… Oh man, I bet Killian would be _so_ happy with the last name ‘Fangbattle’.” They both meditate on that for a minute.

“Shit, yeah, that’s actually the greatest thing ever. If she wants my last name, it’s all hers.” A pause. “Ugh, again with the sap.”

“No judgment here,” Magnus promises. “And I’ll keep teaching you, if you want.”

“I’d like that. And hey, maybe… you wanna play that thing for me sometime?”

“Lute.”

“Yeah, lute, whatever. If you set your mind to it like you do with everything else, I bet you’ll get real good at it.” She stops for a minute, seems to consider something. “And uh, this might not be any of my business, but… I’d like to hear more about Julia, if you ever want to- to talk. She sounds like a real special lady.”

“She is. And… I would love to tell you about her. Oh man-” He sniffles, misty-eyed again but laughing this time, “-I could tell you some stories that would blow you away.”

“‘Sup, fools!”

The voice belongs to Taako, of course, strutting across the campus with Merle and Killian in tow. “Look who I ran into! Let’s make it a double date!”

“Hey, I’m here too, asshole!” Merle reminds him.

“Yeah, okay, triple date, I guess, you and that freaky magic tree arm are kind of a power couple, _totally_ forgot.”

Merle flexes, a couple bright flowers springing up through the wood. “We are, aren't we?”

Carey beams at Killian, then turns to Magnus, offers him an elbow. “Shall we?”

Magnus straps the lute carefully to his back and breaks into a grin as this motley crew- _his family-_ comes closer. He puts a hand on Carey’s arm.

“Yeah. Let’s go.”

**Author's Note:**

> Bonus: Spot the section I wrote after finally buying myself another keyboard and not immediately being as good as it as I was ten years ago.
> 
> Also, [here's](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4tEYV6QBw0E) the song the bard was playing in the beginning flashback. Welcome to hell!
> 
> hit me up on tumblr @daredevans


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